Actions Speak Louder
by GirHugs
Summary: John does not tell Sherlock just how much the frustrating genius means to him. Because actions speak louder, and John thought he would have time.


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Sherlock.

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When it was first brought to his attention, John had disbelievingly laughed it off. Because other than being utterly fascinated by the man, at that point in time, John was not actually sentimentally attached to the genius, did not even really know the man. But now, after _everything_ they've been through, John cannot just ignore the rumor circulating the Yard that Sherlock was seen buying…that he might be _using_ again…

John leans back against the wall and closes his eyes. His arms are crossed over his chest and he honestly does not give a damn about what Sherlock 'deduces' from the defensive posture.

"When was the last time?" John asks, his voice carefully neutral.

"Nine hundred and eighty six days ago," Sherlock responds promptly.

John feels a rush of relief that it's not too recent, but then he lets out a weary sigh when he realizes Sherlock hasn't even met the five-year mark.

"John," Sherlock begins and John raises a hand to ask for silence. Sherlock, actually recognizing the tension radiating from the doctor, grants the request.

"You have your bad habits, just like me or anyone else, which is fine. But this…" John shakes his head and then finally open his eyes to meet Sherlock's piercing gaze. "I don't want a promise that you won't ever do it again." He knows from heartbreaking experience – _Jesus, Harry, how could you do this again?_ – that hearing a promise is worthless. Actions speak louder.

Sherlock nods slowly but does not speak. He seems willing enough to let John speak his piece.

"I don't want a promise," John repeats. "But if you ever…" he swallows thickly and looks at his flatmate – his _friend_ – sadly. "If you ever use again, I will leave."

Sherlock's gaze goes cold and his sharp inhale tells John he's mounting a verbal attack.

"Not you," John rushes to explain before Sherlock can say anything too damaging. "But here," he waves a hand to encompass the flat. "I can't be so close to that, not again. I cannot live with…just…I'd have to leave Baker Street. But _not you_," John emphasizes. Based on the tense posture and narrowed gaze, John doesn't think Sherlock understands the distinction.

"Well," Sherlock twirls around and snatches his violin off the ground. "Seeing as how I do not use anymore, your little ultimatum is irrelevant." He brings his violin up in a swift motion and starts up a pointedly sharp and piercing composition.

The doctor moves to his armchair and sits down heavily. John studies the tense lines of his friend's back and marvels at the total cock-up he's made of things.

He does not regret what he said, because he was being honest. John spent years watching his sister drink and drown in her addiction. And his biggest regret – other than Harry not being able to _stop_ – is that he stayed too close and pushed too hard, because all that did was destroy their relationship.

And John knows that if Sherlock ever started using again, then John would push _harder_ than he did with Harry. Because Sherlock means so much – possibly _too much_ – to John for the doctor to just let Sherlock be overcome by his addiction. John would lecture and yell and plead, and Sherlock would deduce and snark and ignore. And the addiction wouldn't just ruin Sherlock, it would also ruin John, ruin _them_. So…if it ever came to it, John would leave. He would leave Baker Street to _protect_ his friendship with Sherlock.

A sharp note jolts John from his thoughts and he smiles ruefully. His thoughts are getting away from him. Sherlock is _not_ using and John is preparing for an eventuality that may never occur.

But…John frowns thoughtfully at the tense lines of his friend's back. This whole mess has made John realize something very important – Sherlock does not realize just _how much_ he has come to mean to John.

Another jarring note has John shaking his head. Given Sherlock's current mood, he wouldn't be very receptive to anything John said about the matter.

_Doesn't matter_, John thought. _Actions speak louder anyways_. And John still has plenty of time to prove to Sherlock just how much he values their friendship.

…One month later, John watches Sherlock fall.


End file.
